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Traditionally, this day is the day to write about love. I mean, what else are you going to write about on Valentine's Day, right? This is an easy task when you are in a relationship where two people are deeply in love and life is looking rosy, but perhaps more difficult when things aren't so perfect. How does one write about the beauty of being in love when one is in the process of a divorce? Or sitting in a hospital room beside a mate of 28 years, praying that he will still be with you this time next year? Or when there is no significant other to share all your joys or sorrows with? Or when the one that is supposed to fill that role has a funny way of doing it with his fists? Then it isn't so easy to burst forth with all the wonders that love brings into your life, or to offer advice to others as to how to maintain that joyously happy relationship.
Of course, all of these scenarios are not mine alone, or even mine at all, but I know people who fit each and every one of them. The only one that I can actually claim is the worrisome hospital room, but I assure you that I am not the only one that finds this Valentine's Day less than perfect. I've also known how it feels to know that the relationship I've poured my heart and soul into has been a big waste of time, although it was so many years ago that I scarcely remember it, but knowing that my daughter is going through a similar experience, brings my memories clearly into focus. I can also (vaguely) remember a time when I doubted that anyone could ever love someone with as many faults as the ones that I possessed. And I suspect that my other daughter may be in an abusive relationship, although I can't be sure, and it still breaks my heart.
But this is Valentine's Day; not a day to write of love gone wrong; but a day to give hope for love that is to come, if it doesn't already exist. So instead of dwelling on this less than perfect Valentine's Day, I'd like to make this post a celebration of the 28 wonderful years that I have had with my true love, with the hope that it will provide needed hope for someone out there that may be wondering if there are happy Valentine's Days to come for them. Let me tell you that there is such a thing as true love and soul mates, and good men actually do exist. My wonderful man has recently gone through a very difficult time, first with the death of our son, which was, and is very hard for both of us, and now, with some very serious health issues, which is why I am spending this Valentine's Day sitting by his hospital bed. He has been in quite a bit of pain, and after a night in the emergency room, with very little sleep, before being admitted, it was easy to see why he would be discouraged and loose his will to fight anymore. The past three months have been a long haul for him, during which he has had to undergo medical treatments that seem to be worse than his illness, and many times I've heard him say that he would be better off dead, which breaks my heart and starts tears flowing down my cheeks every time. This morning was one of those mornings, when the night had been rough on both of us, and I finally collapsed in the chair beside his bed to catch a couple of hours of sleep. When I awoke, his attitude was totally changed and he was ready once again to fight and beat these horrible symptoms that have plagued his body and weakened him and worn him down. I asked him what had caused such a drastic change during the short time that I slept, and he replied, "I was lying here, watching you sleep, and I knew I wasn't ready to leave you, so I got to fight, so that we will have more time together." Now, if you ask me, folks, that is love, and that is what this day is truly about. For a love to be so strong that it provides the will to live, it must be a powerful love indeed. I thank God that I have that kind of love in my life, and I pray that he will heal this man that I love, who loves me so strongly, so that we can enjoy many more Valentine's Days to come.
To close, I'd like to share a poem that I wrote about him as I lived through this trying time at his side. I think that there is a message there for all concerning what love is really about.
The Strong and Mighty Man
How do you take care of someone
Who doesn't want to believe that he needs taken care of?
Someone who has stood on his own to feet all of his life, and
Believes that needing your help makes him less of a man?
You just keep on giving,
Even when it feels that your efforts are not appreciated,
You know that it is just because he doesn't know how
To just say thank you.
Will he ever learn that it is okay
To lean on someone else for a time,
Especially when that someone truly loves you
And gives from that love because they care?
What do you do when you call from work and
He says that he's fine, but you can hear in his voice that he's not?
When you know that he needs you, but
He's too proud to say the words?
You take time off, because you have to
Even though he says that you can't afford to
And deep inside you know that he's right
But you'd rather be broke than not be there for him.
One day, he will be strong again.
There will come a time when he is there for me again
To lean on, as I have all of my life.
Then, just as now, I feel so blessed to share my life with him.
Copyright ©2010 Kaye Lynne Booth
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